Men You Marry Vs. Men You Bang

How do you tell the difference between a man who would be great marriage material and a man who would suck as a husband? Let's face it... nobody wants to spend the rest of their lives with someone who is a big disappointment. Here are a few things to look for in men, and what makes a man "good marriage" material versus what makes a man "bad marriage material".

Marry: A man who has a stable job.

Marry: A man who has a stable job.

Marry: A man who has a stable job.

Marry: A man who has a stable job.

Jobs are key. Let’s face it, we all should marry a man with a good job and a good head on his shoulders. Money isn’t everything, but having a great job says a lot about how hard he works and his dedication to supporting a family.

Bang: A man who will never stay at a job for more than 2 months.

Bang: A man who will never stay at a job for more than 2 months.

Bang: A man who will never stay at a job for more than 2 months.

Bang: A man who will never stay at a job for more than 2 months.

Men who can’t keep a solid job are commitment phobes. Steer clear of these men for long term relationships. However, these men are probably adventurous and would be a good roll in the hay.

Marry: A man who knows his way around a kitchen and grill.

Marry: A man who knows his way around a kitchen and grill.

Marry: A man who knows his way around a kitchen and grill.

Marry: A man who knows his way around a kitchen and grill.

This type of man shows that he is a grown up and domestic. Sure, you don’t need a professional chef, but you do want a man who can share cooking duties with you.

Bang: A man who only knows how to order take out.

Bang: A man who only knows how to order take out.

Bang: A man who only knows how to order take out.

Bang: A man who only knows how to order take out.

He was probably a momma’s boy and never learned the right way to cook. You can’t rely on takeout every single day, that’s way too expensive. Also, you don’t want to do the cooking every day, do you?

Marry: A man who acts like a real man.

Marry: A man who acts like a real man.

Marry: A man who acts like a real man.

Marry: A man who acts like a real man.

You want a man who can take accountability for his actions and be responsible for getting things done. A man who steps up to the plate and doesn't act like a child is definitely marriage material.

Bang: A man who will always act like a kid.

Bang: A man who will always act like a kid.

Bang: A man who will always act like a kid.

Bang: A man who will always act like a kid.

Men who play video games and eat cereal for every meal cannot be taken seriously. If he’s still acting like a kid when he is in his late 20’s, he will never grow out of that phase.

Marry: A man who loves children.

Marry: A man who loves children.

Marry: A man who loves children.

Marry: A man who loves children.

This one is a no brainer, if you want kids. You need a man who loves children and who would love to have children with you. There is nothing sexier than a man playing with kids.

Bang: A man who cannot stand kids.

Bang: A man who cannot stand kids.

Bang: A man who cannot stand kids.

Bang: A man who cannot stand kids.

Really though, who doesn’t like kids? This is like a man who doesn’t like puppies. This man is no good for marriage!

Marry: A man who reads Forbes.

Marry: A man who reads Forbes.

Marry: A man who reads Forbes.

Marry: A man who reads Forbes.

This man is interested in learning and bettering himself in the business world. He is definitely a keeper for many different reasons.

Bang: A man who reads Playboy.

Bang: A man who reads Playboy.

Bang: A man who reads Playboy.

Bang: A man who reads Playboy.

This man is stuck in a fantasy world. He will constantly compare you and your body to the women he sees in the magazine. Not only that, but he will also set unrealistic expectations for your sexual relationship.

Marry: A man who lets you fart around him.

Marry: A man who lets you fart around him.

Marry: A man who lets you fart around him.

Marry: A man who lets you fart around him.

This one sounds silly but it’s true! At the end of the day, we are all human and bodily functions happen. You don’t have to be comfortable farting on his lap, but you need a guy who is ok with you letting one slip from time to time.

Bang: A man who is grossed out by female functions.

Bang: A man who is grossed out by female functions.

Bang: A man who is grossed out by female functions.

Bang: A man who is grossed out by female functions.

This man is no good. Girls have a lot of stuff going on at different times. If you can’t fart in front of him, can you imagine him wanting to be in the room with you when you have kids? No way!

Marry: A man who dresses like this:

Marry: A man who dresses like this:

Marry: A man who dresses like this:

Marry: A man who dresses like this:

This is the attire of a man you want to marry.

Bang: A man who dresses like this:

Bang: A man who dresses like this:

Bang: A man who dresses like this:

Bang: A man who dresses like this:

This is the attire of a man you bang, if he's lucky.

Marry: A man who worships the ground you walk on.

Marry: A man who worships the ground you walk on.

Marry: A man who worships the ground you walk on.

Marry: A man who worships the ground you walk on.

A man who tells you he loves you every day, and does the little things for you is marriage material. This is a man who will love you for the rest of your life.

Bang: A man you have to chase.

Bang: A man you have to chase.

Bang: A man you have to chase.

Bang: A man you have to chase.

The thrill of the chase can only last so long. Do you really want to spend your life with a man who never seems fully pleased with you?

Marry: A man who makes you laugh.

Marry: A man who makes you laugh.

Marry: A man who makes you laugh.

Marry: A man who makes you laugh.

Laughter is the key to a great relationship. You want to marry a man who can make you laugh and joke around with you. It’d be amazing to spend your life with your best friend.

Bang: A man who could make you cry.

Bang: A man who could make you cry.

Bang: A man who could make you cry.

Bang: A man who could make you cry.

We all know a guy who can say the things that just make you want to cry uncontrollably. Do you want to spend your life with a guy who makes you feel like crap?

Marry: A man who can express his feelings.

Marry: A man who can express his feelings.

Marry: A man who can express his feelings.

Marry: A man who can express his feelings.

The guy doesn’t need to pour his heart out to you each and every day, but he needs to be open and honest with you. You want the guy who can tell you when he’s upset or excited, this is normal.

Bang: A man who can’t open up.

Bang: A man who can’t open up.

Bang: A man who can’t open up.

Bang: A man who can’t open up.

You don’t want a guy who bottles up his emotions. One day, he will just explode and go nuts. You can't have a man who lacks emotions. Trust me, don’t spend your life with this guy.

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  • Stephen Williams

    What dumb azz male would want to get married these days ?

    • DaddlieDo

      A smart ‘dumb azz’ man who knows who is wife material and who is just flirt material. A man that is looking for a decent partner to build a relationship and investment in the future with will invest his time with a decent woman who returns the same.

      Guys who just want to fool around and look ‘cool’ go to kahoots with the other trash. Us decent women who are career-minded and have our goals have little of our time to waste with the likes of your STD carrying jokers. Sex is over-glorified and over-focused in this country like it’s gold. What’s the point of sex when there’s no love? Self-Gain. We are not all trash like you, though many women have forgotten their curtsies as well as the guys.
      This is why I miss the days of old, when men were gentlemen and women weren’t such obnoxious common-wealth whores.

    • Bodhi Sattva

      lol

    • Autumn Rachelle Taylor

      Idk why anyone would want to get married, but that’s just me.

  • capice2003

    I’m laughing at that author though, thinking she will find one of us perfectly as she depicts a marriage worthy fella to be. Its especially asinine to see when that idiot posted about one of the ones regarding reading men magazines. Regina, you my dear are living in a dream world. Guaranteed to be lonely until her late 30′s and then and only then she will realize that as she mentioned in her very own post that she will have to settle.

    Broads these days….the audacity.

    • msnyc10

      Well here is how it goes in real life because I know these women; all sorts of rules about what men should do and be, bang other men who don’t measure up in one way or another whilst getting paid to do so, then suddenly they are 40 and men are flocking to the younger prettier women and guess what? Men are shallow and suck.

  • Larz Hoban

    Wow this article is so misandristic, its not even funny.

    Starting with the the theme of your article is that you’re going to just bang all the guys with the shitty qualities. “Oh yeah, I’ll definitely screw these guys but i could never marry them because of this quality or that quality”

    How about a little respect for yourself and the person/people toy choose to engage with. Relationships are about finding a person whose personality most closely compliments yours. Whatever that means to you. It’s about taking the bad qualities of people WITH the great ones. And if you cant do that, then dont be with that person.

    This shit is shallow and it makes other people shallow and its one of the main reasons good people just say “Fuck dating!” Even though they’d like to try to connect with someone.

    Jeez… I mean I cook every meal for myself, I work a steady job and keep up with myself. But you are a crazy person and TOTALLY not worth the time if you think that there aren’t going to be days where I eat a big ass bowl of cereal and play Xbox all day. Some days its what a guy wants to do. But that’s fine, I dont wanna marry your ass anyway.

    • Farva55

      You can cook?!?!?!? LIKE WHOA

      • Larz Hoban

        Sure can. Got any other gems to contribute?

        • MJD

          With a name like Farva I’m sure there are plenty more gems. The name and comments reek of idiocy.

          • msnyc10

            Or maybe, maybe, he’s not of American/Anglo-Saxon descent. Maybe next time he should post as ‘Joe’ and you’d get it?

    • DaddlieDo

      OH MAH GAWD he can COOK! Relief from the kitchen! :O

  • Dave R

    So, if you are banging all these assholes, why would the marrying type want you?

    • Farva55

      Just bc you can’t get any….

      • Dave R

        That must be it.

      • DaddlieDo

        Lol I don’t understand the mind-set of these guys. “Can’t get any”? Anyone can “get” some but guess what? They can never “not” get it again. Sticking your overgrown hairy peewee in a scruffy bungie-hole is most glorious? Really? Everyone’s body looks the same, it’s part of the “reproductive system” of the human race. Usually the ones who like these things are loser pervs who fap themselves off in public or watch porn out on the streets.

        You are all sex-ridden losers, my books and studies will always be king to your peon two-tone brains. And btw, a man looks like a disgusting broken elephant trunk and a woman like a hairy chinchilla. :)

    • MJD

      Well said Dave.

  • Happyguest

    Not all of these are true. I found a woman who told me I cant explain it..when Im with you I feel like Im a kid again. Growing up is one thing but if you lose the “kid” in you, a person becomes stiff. It goes along with humor as well. When you find that person that “adds” to your jokes not just laughs is the person for you. If you want to marry a man who likes kids you may not have them with him as you are out baning the one who doesnt ;) lol

    • sparkalipoo

      When I’m with my boyfriend he makes me feel like a kid when we’re just hanging out, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a functioning adult who can go to work and pay his bills and get dressed and I don’t have to be his mommy, and no girl wants that.

  • kris

    This truly speaks volumes about how unrealistic womens’ expectations are. You know the author is going to be in trouble if she can’t even get past no.1. What exactly does a “steady job” mean, is it actually just a steady job or is it really a high paying career? Judging by the Armani-wearing, Forbes-reading type she lists elsewhere as being desirable I’m guessing she means the latter. A regular, working-class Joe would stand no chance, since he isn’t pulling in enough dough, even if he might be a good father and an honest, hard worker. I won’t even get into some of these other ones; worship the ground she walks on and be able to fart in front of him; so I’m thinking he needs to have a basket filled with rose petals and sprinkle them on the ground after every step she takes whilst she simultaneously farts in his face; make wave everyone, The Diva Is In The Room…sheesh, enough said

    • DaddlieDo

      A cocky bish is a cocky bish!

  • Sean Thornton

    Marriage sounds like nothing but obligations, responsibilities, and paying other peoples’ bills. I can see why women would want to get married, but why would a man?

    • Teamski

      How about pure companionship and friendship that provides a meaningful focus in life? Nothing sucks than being a single 50 year old who feels the world left him behind.

      • Tony Richards

        You know what would suck worse? Being 50 and married to the writer of this article, knowing she banged every loser out there and then ‘settled’ for you because you were a nice stable guy.

    • Diana Egielski

      Umm, if you can see why women would want that, you have answered your own question before you even asked! What, are obligations and responsibilities “women” things? We like that crap about as much as you do. And not only is that an insult to women, what an insult to men!

      • msnyc10

        Are you intentionally being obtuse? He means why would a man want to take on the obligations and responsibilities of paying another persons bills and what does a man get from it?

  • MJD

    I couldn’t even get past picture # 12…. What kind of moron suggests banging every douchebag with the absolute worst qualities and then Marrying man with the best qualities. Good luck finding a man with good qualities after you have been sullied by all the losers out there. Just bang the good guys maybe? Maybe not, that might require far too much intelligence on the part of the person who made this. Great job. Darwins theory of evolution has truly failed.

  • Autumn Rachelle Taylor

    What if you yourself hate kids? Or play video games all the time? I call bullshit on this list, and Forbes? No.

    • Charlie B

      Well put, Autumn! Basically what the author wants is for the men who are husband material to wait for her to stop having sex with overgrown boys who treat her like crap. What she wants is a man who is enough of a chump to say “When you get tired of your bad boys, I’ll be waiting for you!” Good frickin’ luck with that. The men who are husband material are not going to pass up on women who are wife material so that they can wait for immature little girls with adult body parts like the author to grow up.

      BTW, my sister loved playing video games with her boyfriend when she was in grad school.

      • Autumn Rachelle Taylor

        That’s exactly what it sounds like. I mean, not even all women want to get married! I’ve never seen the point in it. The Forbes magazine part really got to me for some reason. I much prefer someone who actually READS as opposed to someone who only has time to update himself on financial affairs in between work and more work. They would have no time for me. Screw that. There’s no time for random adventures or for me to kick your ass at Left 4 Dead. lol
        On the up side though, this girl will obviously have enough sexual experience to please her fairy-tale husband (whom she will probably meet and marry within a week’s time, in true Disney fashion).

        • Jason Kone

          yea, but Down Jones, NASDAQ, stocks! I got nothing…. that is lame.

    • THG

      Well, ontop of that, it actively encourages promiscuity with non-suitable mates. Nevermind that someone on the “Bang” list could very well accidentally be the father of your offspring. This article is nothing but trash and encourages a “throw vagina everywhere” policy.

      • msnyc10

        No problem on the accidental father THG; just tell the ‘Marry Material’ guy it is his; nearly 20% of all children in the US are being brought up by men who don’t know they are NOT the biological father. Amazingly enough when this triple fraud is discovered (steal one man’s child, deprive a child of ever meeting it’s real father, defraud another man out of his hard earned money and ability to make other choices AND impose sever emotional trauma on him), the only person to face consequences is the man who was lied to if he dares to rescind his financial support. When that is a felony we can discuss equality.

        • Jason Kone

          nearly 100% of your stats are BS too!

          • msnyc10

            Excellent reasoned rejoinder Jason. You’ll go far in life.

  • Teamski

    You forgot something. How about whether or not a guy that is your best friend.? Hell with whether or not he reads Forbes! That says nothing about what kind of friend and companion he will be or anything about his CHARACTER! I have been happily married 25 years this year and I don’t wear Gucci! Guys that wear that stuff is more concerned about image than true companionship. Now that is divorce material!

  • The Flying Nuggets

    You know if this was written about the marrying kind of woman, there would be uprisings. “Marry a woman who wears cocktail dresses all the time, not a woman who wears sweatpants”, “Marry a woman who reads Forbes, not Cosmopolitan”. Seriously? It’s all about balance. There’s nothing wrong with a man who isn’t focused on being the image of perfection all the time, and the same goes for women. Liking to relax and have fun on occasion doesn’t make him any less of a “real man”, nor does it devalue him as a partner. Men don’t have to love kids, just as women don’t have to want to have kids. This is the 21st century, not the 1950s. Also, I firmly believe that you should want to bang the man you marry.

    • Julie Roth

      Well ,I would really hope you want to bang the man you marry-or what’s the point????

      • msnyc10

        I know plenty of women who don’t want to bang the men they married (but did to get married) and don’t bang them anymore now that they are married (but do bang the men they’d bang). It should be entitled ‘Men you’d bang vs men you’d bank.

  • MNLoonaTick

    A woman needs a man who can bang her like a screen door. A woman needs a man who can sweep her off her feet. A woman needs a man who can spoil her rotten. A woman needs a man she can fall asleep next to, and wake up next to in the morning. A woman needs a man she can be comfortable growing old with.
    The most important thing is that none of these men are aware of the others.

  • fredo

    So essentially ladies you are just confirming my suspicions that you use a stable guy for financial security while you screw a douchebag behind his back. Really classy.

    • Julie Roth

      It does indeed sound that way doesn’t it Fredo???But not all women are like this-trust me on that one-I’m light years away from it-thank God

      • Jango Soprano

        I hope so. I really do, otherwise what is the point of marriage? I can tell you honestly that I am scared to death of it. I have seen way to many good men, not perfect, but good decent men get everything they have taken from them by women who leave them for a kevin federline. I have fought against this for ages, but women are proving me right over and over again. Yes I know there are some good ones out there, but they all seem to go for this bad boy. Good luck with him ladies, I hope he is there to hold you at night twenty years from now.

        • DaddlieDo

          Those are phony women who are just in it for the money and pleasure. Unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.I deal with phony women all the time. :)

        • AndyRob

          Hey Jango. I’m not loving the “guys you bang” thing either. I think that the general list is relevant in that women really do want, long term, a man who is doing what he loves. If he is doing something that he loves, he will stick with it, thus he has the stability thing going for him. Sometimes he may take a while to find it, but most men who are mentally stable and really consider their own financial well being aren’t going to be quitting their jobs every 2 months of getting canned equally frequently. I don’t think that we want to have to deal with a grown man who is acting like a child and doesn’t want to take care of himself. My husband doesn’t like what he’s currently doing- probably more that he doesn’t like his current assignment really- so we are planning an exit strategy to give him time to consider what he really WANTS to do next. He’s not getting canned or quitting every 2 months, he’s just reconsidering his options in a way that makes sense financially. He is an executive now, and has worked his tail off to get there. I’ve helped him through his bachelors & masters degrees, and sickness, and financial strain, children, and everything else that comes through 15 years of marriage. I have been faithful. No “douchebags behind his back.” I am now working to complete my bachelors degree, so that I can work and he can take some time off and figure out what else he’d like to do. We are still very much in love, and neither of us regret making the commitment to marry. It’s hard work, making a relationship work, but it is doable. The point of marriage, imo, is always having someone at your back. If you fall, they are there to pick you up. If you are sick, they care for you. If you have financial distress, they are there to help you think through it, and work out a plan to overcome, and stick with you through the process. A companion to share your hopes and dreams with. To help you when you get stuck with your statistics homework, or need help editing your resume- to talk about your latest book that you’ve read, or to read one together. To laugh together and cry together.
          For me, I love that my husband is my defender- if someone insults me or threatens me, I know he’s got my back. He’s taught me to defend myself when he’s not here and to stand up for myself & face challenges. I love my husband very much & I know that he loves me. I hope that you find someone who makes you equally happy, and will stick it out with you in the less happy times, until you get back to the happier ones. In life there are highs and lows, sickness & health, richer and poorer. Someone who takes those vows seriously is what you want. Not someone who is “banging” guys who are not “marriage material.”

    • DaddlieDo

      No shiet! Did you figure out the secret to success yet when it comes to women? Men want the ‘power’ so why shouldn’t the woman benefit from it too? :)

      If I was a rich bish I’d hand-pick men, background check them, and take my sweet glorious time hanging around them as they deliver me roses and make me feel like a queen. It’s super pampering, yes I know, it’s a selfish thing but what woman doesn’t want a man that pulls in the big $$$ so they can live comfortably?

      If the men can’t do it why, we must do it ourselves no? Less fun but atleast we can make ourselves our own Queens!

      • Jango Soprano

        Not ALL men do this. Two wrongs don’t and a right. This is why the battle of the sex’s will never end, and America will always lead the way in divorce. Narcissism is taking over.

      • msnyc10

        ” but what woman doesn’t want a man that pulls in the big $$$ so they can live comfortably?”

        One that isn’t a whore?

  • Danielzinho

    and this is why divorce is so prevalent. Chicks are trying to marry checklists that will make their lives easier instead of actual men who make them happy and feel valuable. Keep looking for that random dude with a high paying job, can cook, big house, etc. And you want a guy who never acts like a kid but loves to play with kids? Lol. Yeah. Good luck with that. Any girl who actually puts any stock in this advice is going to have a nice lonely life as an overlooked accessory in her husband’s life.

    • msnyc10

      This is where the expression ‘he looks good on paper’ comes from. Did you EVER hear a guy say that?

  • Julie Roth

    Is this girl for real????She has absolutely no clue what men really want,and gives marriage a bad name—Hope she enjoys being bored with the money man she’s after,when he leaves her for a REAL woman who will give him what he wants-gratefully….

  • Zooma Zoombowski

    Bang: Stupid sluts that make stupid decisions like the ones in this piece.
    Marry: Smart girls who stay true to the good men from the very beginning.

  • msnyc10

    Another variation on the same theme that’s been carefully cultivated since women’s lib; men still expected to provide and protect while expecting nothing from women except to support their choices. Me, if I’m still expected to take over another human beings’ lifelong obligation to labor for food and shelter (not to mention luxuries) and to put not only their comfort but safety and very life ahead of mine, I’ll take a woman without 19 of these wishes. I keep trying to tell my ever growing circle of unhappy unmarried female friends that the problem is they’ve spent their lives reading lists like this about what they deserve vs what they should give. I mean think about it ladies; when we meet women, no part of our thought process involves how we might get to go to that restautanr we couldn’t afford, or how we might be able to live in that home or lifestyle we only dreamed of, or how we might never have to work again. ALL we have is how you make us feel when we are around us and how you treat us. Maybe go back to finishing school or take the second half of the semester at least and start learning to and therefore writing articles on ‘How to treat a man you want to Marry’

  • unapologetictruth

    Summary of all points for those short on time…

    Alpha phucks, beta bucks. The end.

  • Rick12499

    Yeah, and as a man I’ve seen plenty of women pass total judgement on a guy who … chases, worships the woman, acts emotional, or even talk about loving kids… I wish this article was true, believe me… but instead, it’s weird that most of these positive/negatives seem the total opposite for many women. Guys, don’t put any credence in this stuff, because most girls will drop you like a brick in the Pacific if you chase, worship or act emotional.

  • kofybean

    How is a woman who banged all the losers gonna ever get married to a “real man”? Especially when she gets knocked up by the no job having, video game playing, take out ordering bum?

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