Introduction: Awesome Uses For Big Booties
I was born with a big booty and I can attest to the fact that I have been frequently made fun of for it. For anyone who is self conscious about your butt, this is the article for you. Haters are gonna hate, but we can prove to them that it’s better to have a big booty than a small one.
No. 28 For making Yoga look better.
People with tiny butts wouldn't know how to pull off a downward dog like people with a big butt. The posture with the big booty makes us look like Yoga Pros.
No. 27 A Gown Filler
Gowns just look better with a big booty filler... Duh.
No. 26 For Motivation
Reading this quote is enough to give any girl with a big badonk-a-donk motivation AND pride.
No. 25 Dancing
It's easier and more fun to dance when you have a big butt. Shake it all over and everyone's eyes will be on you.
No. 24 A Grabber
Let's face it, men need something to grab and hold on to. Catch my drift?
No. 23 A Thinker
Yes, a thinker. People with big butts are proven to be smarter and healthier! A study at Oxford University showed that women with a phat butt were less likely to get diabetes, since they are more likely to produce hormones to metabolize sugar. It also showed that they are more likely to be intelligent.
No. 22 A Hiding Place
If you're in a bind and looking to hide something small, what better place than between your two cheeks? Don't act like you haven't thought of this before...
No. 21 Fart Deflector
Embarrassed to pass gas in public? Girls with bigger butts shouldn't be! Though it isn't 100% guaranteed, a bigger butt can lessen the sound of a fart. Crop dust away ladies!
No. 20 Twerk Machine
Love twerking or hate it, everyone can attest to the fact that a chick with a big booty does it better. If you ever find yourself in a twerk-off, shake what your mama gave ya. There’s no way you can lose.
No. 19 Saddle
If you’re a horseback rider, you know that saddles can be super expensive. If you are blessed with a big butt, there’s no need for a saddle. Ride the horse bareback and you will feel no pain.
No. 18 Seat Saver
If you need to save a seat for a friend and don’t have a jacket or anything else to use as a seat holder, why not just use your butt? If it’s big, you will have more than enough junk to save two seats rather than one.
No. 17 Door Closer
When you have your hands full and can’t shut the pesky door, you can use your butt to close the door behind you. Sure, a small butt could do the same thing, but a big butt has a bigger radius and will allow you to shut the door from farther away.
No. 16 Hand Warmer
Sitting on your hands is a great way to keep them warm, especially if you have a big booty. The heat from your bum will radiate to your hands and make you feel like you’re enjoying a hot summer day.
No. 15 Crowd Seperator
If you’re going somewhere in a hurry and there is a large crowd, use your butt as a bumper. You can knock people out of the way and fight your way through the crowd. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No. 14 Shock Absorber
This comes into play a lot if you live in the Midwest where the weather is icy. If you’ve ever taken a tumble and landed on your butt, you’ll notice that it doesn’t hurt as much if you have some padding. Ask a person who has fallen and doesn’t have any junk in their trunk. They will agree.
No. 13 Cannon Ball Detonator
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the bigger the booty, the bigger the cannon ball. If you’re looking to prank someone or get an enemy wet, cannonball into the water and make sure your butt hits first. The water will go up like a tidal wave.
No. 12 Sled
Sledding is childish but it is also a fun event that we can still partake in in our adult lives. If you’re on the spot and don’t have a sled, go ahead and slide down the hill with your bare butt. If you've got the meat to cover it, it won’t hurt!
No. 11 Jean Filler
I don’t know about you, but I hate it when girls can’t fill in the butts of their jeans. A pair of jeans is meant to be filled out and the butt of the jeans is no exception. Let’s face it, jeans just look better when you have a booty to fill them out. Nobody likes a saggy butt.
No. 10 Bug Killer
Who wants to kill nasty spiders and other bugs with their hands? If you’re in a bind and you need to kill a nasty critter, just go ahead and sit your big booty on it. It’ll be an easier clean-up all around!
No. 9 Dog Bed
Dogs love to snuggle up to their owner. I can attest to the fact that my dog always uses my butt as a bed and he falls asleep like a baby. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself.
No. 8 Kim Kardashian’s Butt Double
In the rare event that Kim Kardashian gets into acting, she may need a butt double for some scenes. This would be the perfect moment for you to launch into the spotlight and start your acting career. Maybe other leading ladies need a butt double too? Do you know where we can submit an application?
No. 7 Weapon
Yes, you heard me right. A weapon! If someone tries to come after you, you can bump them away with your big butt. You’d be surprised how powerful a butt can be when you push someone away with it.
No. 6 Man Magnet
We’ve all heard the term “He’s a butt guy”. Use your ASSets to reel in a man by wearing tight pants and showing off your round butt. Boys will go nuts over this.
No. 5 Shield
A big booty can be a great shield against any unwanted predators or enemies. If someone is trying to throw something at you, simply shield the rest of your body with "dat ass".
No. 4 Pillow
Ever since I was a child, my sister would ask if she could use my butt as a cushion. She swore it was more comfortable than her own feather pillow. I’m glad I was able to provide comfort for a loved one. You should loan your butt out to someone you love and offer them a place to lay their head and gather their thoughts.
No. 3 Drum
A big booty drum is the best thing to play Babaloo on since Ricky Ricardo’s trusty bongos. Sure, you could play drums on a small booty, but the sound will not be the same as the sweet tunes on a big booty.
No. 2 Bottle Holder
This one may sound a little strange, but I can assure you that you can wedge a bottle between your cheeks if you got some junk in your trunk. When would this come in handy, you ask? Well, this can come in handy watching TV in your own living room. Tell your boyfriend he can use your butt as a holder for his beer. He will be very impressed.
No. 1 Cushion
Forget about bringing a seat cushion into a sporting event. A big booty makes for a great seat cushion. Not only do you not have to worry about remembering to bring your trusty seat cushion, you'll also save some cash since you don’t have to buy one.