20 Things You Should Run From on A First Date

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20 Things You Should Run From On a First Date

20 Things You Should Run From On a First Date

First dates can be very daunting events. What makes them the most daunting is trying to weed out the good guys from the bad guys. Here are some warning signs for the first date. If you see one or more of these signs, be very weary!

He says, “I’m not over my ex”

He says, “I’m not over my ex”

Well duh! If he’s not over his ex AND if he’s dumb enough to tell you that he’s not over her... then run for the hills and do not look back. Clearly he has no common sense and he shouldn’t even be on a date if he still has feelings for someone else.

If he creepily stares at you all dinner

If he creepily stares at you all dinner

There’s nothing worse than a guy who stares at you. Take a bite of food, look up, he’s staring at you. Go to the bathroom, come back out to the dinner table and he stares at you the entire way up. Eye contact is a good thing if it’s done correctly

If he smells like cheese

If he smells like cheese

A clean and healthy man will smell like a clean and healthy man. A man who does not take care of himself will likely smell like cheese and feet. If a man cannot even take care of himself, there’s no way that he will be able to care for you or be responsible for anything.

He says, “You’re the one for me” 5 minutes into the date

He says, “You’re the one for me” 5 minutes into the date

Some people may call this a stage five clinger. Even if things are going very well in the first few minutes of a date, there’s no reason on God’s green earth why a guy should feel the need to tell you that you belong together- for eternity.

He says, “I hate labels like “girlfriend” and stuff

He says, “I hate labels like “girlfriend” and stuff

The dude is a commitment phobe. If he is saying that he doesn’t want to put a label on a relationship, then he’s pretty much saying that he does not want to be faithful to you should the relationship go further. This is not a trustworthy person.

He says, “My friend is a moron, guess what he did last weekend?"

He says, “My friend is a moron, guess what he did last weekend?"

A first date is not the place to talk trash or throw your friend under the bus. Your friends should be people who you care for and hold in high regards. If a guy is telling you that his friend is a moron, just think of the stuff he’ll eventually say about you.

If he tries to do more than just kiss you

If he tries to do more than just kiss you

Sealing the deal after a first date is no good. If a man likes you, he will respect you and wait to sexually take the relationship to the next level in time. If he tries to make a move then he has one thing and one thing only on his mind...sex.

If he asks you to split the bill.

If he asks you to split the bill.

Chivalry is not dead. A man should pay the bill, that’s just the way it is. If he asks you to split the bill, walk away.

If he texts or makes a phone call.

If he texts or makes a phone call.

If he’s on the phone with his buddies or texting throughout the date, this is not the guy for you. Phones shouldn’t even be out on the first date unless he is showing you a funny picture or a video or something. Being on his phone shows that there are more important things than you.

If he gets wasted

If he gets wasted

Don’t get me wrong, having a drink to take the edge off things and loosen up a little bit is totally fine. Getting wasted is totally not fine. When a guy gets drunk, he turns into a completely different person. Not to mention the fact that he should stay clear headed so he can remember the date and learn things about you. Save the cocktails for future dates.

If he tells you he’s probably not good enough for you

If he tells you he’s probably not good enough for you

A guy who makes statements like this either has really low self-esteem or he is fishing for compliments. Sure, it’s unattractive for a guy to be super cocky, but its also unattractive for a guy to completely lack self confidence.

If he asks a bunch of personal questions

If he asks a bunch of personal questions

Getting to know someone on a date is a good thing. Asking too many personal questions is a bad thing. The first date should be about learning basic things about each other. If a guy is asking personal questions, this is a red flag.

If it seems too good to be true

If it seems too good to be true

Fairy tales rarely happen. Most times, if it seems too good to be true, then it is too good to be true. This is a sad sad thing but it’s just reality.

If he talks about his ex negatively

If he talks about his ex negatively

This is a huge turn off! If your guy has to turn to trash talking his ex then he’s probably not over it and he’s probably not into you. We’re not supposed to have to “mend his broken” heart on the first date!

If he seems to be jealous

If he seems to be jealous

Jealousy can be a scary thing to encounter on the first date. If you immediately see signs of jealousy, this can mean that a guy is possessive or uncomfortable in his own skin. Watch out for this.

If he talks about his finances

If he talks about his finances

No no no! If he’s talking about money he is either bragging about how much he has or complaining that he is about to go broke. Either way, it’s an awkward subject that should not be brought up on a first date.

If he uses a coupon to pay.

If he uses a coupon to pay.

This is just tacky. It seem like the guy is being cheap and informal. We don’t expect a lobster dinner for the first date, but we certainly don’t expect a coupon dinner either.

If he’s late

If he’s late

Unless there was some huge life or death emergency, he shouldn’t be late. Punctuality is important in so many aspects of life and dating is no exception. If a guy is late, it will get us stressed out and wonder if we are being stood up. This is unnecessary stress added.

If he farts and laughs about it.

If he farts and laughs about it.

Farts shouldn’t be let out until you are comfortable around each other. If he farts and laughs, you know he probably did it on purpose. This is just gross and tacky. Hold it in fellas.

Says he’s a mama’s boy.

Says he’s a mama’s boy.

Avoid the mama’s boys at all costs. These boys will always listen to their mom and their mama rules their world. The mom will likely meddle in your business and make things super complicated. No fun.

I want to be married by next year.

I want to be married by next year.

Woah! Pump on the breaks buddy! If this guy is telling you that he wants to be married next year, things are moving way too fast and he's too aggressive. Walk out on him.

He's way under dressed.

He's way under dressed.

Appearance is everything. If he is too lazy to wear jeans to dinner on the first date this is not a good sign.

He reveals some crazy family history.

He reveals some crazy family history.

His cousin is in jail. His sister is an alcoholic. Probably way too much personal information for the first date. The first date should be getting a basic knowledge of each other. Talk about the crazy family down the road.

He's rude to a server.

He's rude to a server.

If the guy is rude to a server or someone else while you're out, this is a bad sign. It probably means that he is a jerk of that he has major underlying anger issues. Don't waste your time.

He asks to take your picture.

He asks to take your picture.

First off, this is really creepy if he asks you if he can take a picture of you. Second, this means that he will probably show it to his friends to see whether or not they think you're hot. He's shallow and only relying on looks. Don't let him trick you.

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  • Thorvington Finglethorpe

    “If he asks you to split the bill.”

    This is sexist and old-fashioned. You’re allegedly recruiting a mate, not a human-ATM hybrid. In the age of online dating it is the height of entitled arrogance to believe a man “owes you” a free meal in exchange for your company. This is the first time you’ve ever met him! Maybe you’ve exchanged a few texts, but unless you already know each other or met through friends at a party or something (i.e. you already have some basis to know if you like this person’s character or not) it’s just completely inappropriate to demand that the man pay.

    I say split the first check and then do whatever the two of you want to do on subsequent outings… In my own life, I mostly pay, but I’m in a stable, committed relationship which is completely different from somebody you’ve just met, possibly for the first time in your life, when you sat down to eat.

    • Allie Walton

      I think the man should pay.. I totally agree with the article. That’s what men are supposed to do

      • Pat

        Then you should put out. See how that circle goes round?

        • Thorvington Finglethorpe

          …And that’s kind of the point… Nobody should “expect” anything other than a lovely conversation and a nice cup of coffee or lunch or something… Expecting freebies from somebody you’ve just met in person for the absolute first time is just a complete no-go. If a woman “expects” that chances are she “expects” a lot of things that are selfish and materialistic.

          • Tina880

            Once again, everone is confusing a first date and a first meeting, which are two totally different things.

        • aaauuuugh

          I agree that that is the feeling I get when a guy offers to buy everything. Women are in the workforce now as much as men and are able to buy just as much, there is no reason why a woman shouldn’t have to spend just as much on a date, she wants to be there after all or she wouldn’t have gone, you don’t need to buy her attention. Chivalry is not dead, because I’d consider a guy not treating me like a hooker to be chivalrous.

          • MacK

            Absolutely -

            And I say something else – most decent men like to be seen as more than “sperm and a salary”

      • Red NYC

        You are so ignorance . You give modern women a bad reputation.

        • Melissa Hamari

          Ignorant*. While I agree with you, that horrible grammatical error really had to be mentioned.

      • MacK

        And should the woman then “put out?”

        Crude, sexist, huh! But it goes with your outlook.

    • Echidna

      What’s gracious is offering to split the bill, and then he can be generous and say “No, I’ve got it.” Even if he’s obviously more affluent than you, it’s still a nice gesture. If it’s pretty obvious that there won’t be a second date, then you be a good sport and split the bill. Neither of you should bear 100 percent of the disappointment. My two cents.

    • MoMo

      No the article is right, a guy should pay on the FIRST DATE, it’s just the most courteous thing a guy can do on the first date, however the girl should ALWAYS OFFER to pay half also out of good manners. Well in my instance with my gf we went to a small restaurant on our first date and when we the bill came I took it, she asked: “How much.” and I said ,”Its ok. I got it.” she responded:”No, I can’t let you do that….” and this when I said: “I’ll pay this time, and I’ll let you pay on our next date, that way I’m guaranteed to see you again.” she smiled and said, “Fine. I’ll get the bill NEXT time then.” We hit it off and now we split the bill or someone pays one time and the other the next, like at the movies theatre someone gets the tickets the other gets the snacks(which are now almost the price of the tickets). I asked her later on in our relationship what would you have thought if I hadn’t paid for the first date, and she said, “I would’ve thought that you were CHEAP.” It doesn’t matter in what generation we live in it is not SEXIST to expect the guy to pay for the first date.

      • Thorvington Finglethorpe

        ” “I would’ve thought that you were CHEAP.” It doesn’t matter in what
        generation we live in it is not SEXIST to expect the guy to pay for the
        first date.”

        That’s the height of sexism.

        Flip it around… Consider it the other way around… I.e. “What would you have thought of me if I hadn’t given you that awesome blowjob on our first date?” “I’d have thought you were a tease!”

        It’s ridiculous: A gender-biased double-standard that even relatively liberated women seem to have been programmed to believe–that guys must pay financial tribute to gain their favor.

        It is utterly disgusting. If that would have made her think you were “cheap” then you’ve connected with a gold-digging harpy. Congratulations! Maybe that’s what you’re looking for/willing-to-accept, but I’m not.

        Ladies: Be willing and/or prepared to pay for your own meals! Men will have far, far more respect for you. When you demand that we pay (on penalty of being declared “cheap”) what you’re really doing is establishing an image of yourself, at the very beginning of the relationship, that you are a helpless child that can’t take care of herself!

    • Tina880

      I think a “first date” and meet up after meeting on-line are 2 different things. A first meeting (as opposed to a first date) should be dutch treat and only something simple like coffee. A first date should be something more, btu not too expensive. On the first date, I will always offer to split the bill, but I am old-fashioned and think he should take it. Not that it should be that way forever, but I think it’s gentlemanly. If he let me pay, it’d probably be the last date.

    • rlpl02

      My rule is that whoever asks the other out pays. I’ve asked out guys and paid before…it really shocks them,

      • Thorvington Finglethorpe

        To me, it doesn’t really matter who actually pays, so much as neither party has an expectation that the other person will be paying for them. I enjoy paying, but have always found it offensive and cringe-worthy when I hear a woman say she expects me to pay (or expected me to, when I ask for another date and they balk specifically over this issue.

        I suppose I could give in, but I’m not interested in being somebody’s meal-ticket, and this “man pay’s expectation” that some of our fellow-posters cling to from the 1950s smells a lot like somebody looking for a meal-ticket. Because in the 1950s, that’s what was really happening. Women didn’t work after they got married unless they made the mistake of marrying a guy with no prospects, no ability, or perhaps a combination of those two. That hasn’t been “how it is” for 40-50 years, and it is anachronistic from women to cling to this outdated tradition.

      • MacK

        When I was in college (not in the US) the general rule was split first date, thereafter take turns making the call on what to do – the caller paid for their suggestion.

    • MacK

      Yep – there was a wealthy friend who dated someone we all came to describe as “the girl with the cash register eyes” – my then girlfriend, now wife, discovered in the ladies room from her catty comments about other women that she also reckoned she could appraise an engagement ring at 30 feet, do the math and announce the boyfriend/fiancée’s salary.

      He wised up and dumped her.

  • Jen

    Really? You wouldn’t date a guy who uses a coupon for dinner? How fucking shallow ARE you?

    • ODWms

      I couldn’t agree more. Personally, I think its a great idea to produce a coupon with the express intent of seeing her reaction. Only a truly shallow, silly person would insist you pay full price for the exact same thing you could be paying significantly less for, for absolutely no reason. You need to know that stuff at jump street.

    • Anitsisqua

      I don’t actually mind the use of a coupon, but I once dated a guy who used a coupon for every single date we went on. He planned our activities by the availability of coupons.

      …The last straw was when he asked me to dinner and snapped at me for ordering a Coke instead of water (when I’d already told him I had a raging caffeine headache), and proceeded to lecture me on what a waste of money soft drinks are.

      I guess if it happened on a first date, I’d worry about repeating that experience.

    • WTWalter

      This! One distinction – using the coupon casually without comment is a lot different than waving it around, exclaiming how much money you saved, griping about restaurant prices, etc. That would be kinda messed up. Gave me an idea… I might start using coupons just to flush out the kind of shallow judgemental over-sensitive perfectionism I find so annoying.

  • RonnyDaBear

    Wow! Such advice. Much romance. So smrt.

  • jeannie burgess

    No, the man paying on the first date is symbolic of his ability to provide for a family. If he can’t afford a dinner for two, he is unable to maintain a relationship and is only fit to be a “baby daddy”. After that, it is up to the couple to split or take turns.

    • Charles Barnard

      Symbolic for who? What’s a man’s assurance that she can deal with responsibility?

      • ODWms

        Since when is a person’s ability to “afford” something a mandate that they split a bill or avail use of a discount? Smart people make sound financial decisions to add to their financial situation, and not take away from it unnecessarily.

  • GreyHairandGreyMatter

    A gal should be “wary” not “weary!”
    Grey Hair and Grey Matter

    • larzo

      Women do get wooly.

  • Charles Barnard

    Well, you do rant.

    You seem to hold an amusing set of expectations, but don’t leave much room for the variables of human nature…on either side of the dating line.

    A bit sad, really…

  • DrKenCat

    Girls: Take this advice if you want to run away from lots of first dates – or to end up with someone charmless, anodyne, boring, shallow and almost certainly repulsive.

    Fellas: this is great news – with these rules we don’t need to worry about or “let down gently” all those naive, shallow, intellecutally challenged misandrists. Let those girls who believe these rules run away, and bask in the security of your lucky escape.

    • ODWms

      So right. I think there’s some good advice here (a guy getting tore-up drunk on your first date probably is a bad sign). But overall, women following these “rules” will only up their chances of losing out.

      • rlpl02

        You and DrKen are single, correct?

  • Lola

    Aside from the many things I could point out as inherently sexist about this list, the 21st slide was awesome. As a huge “Psycho” fan (the black and white Hitchcock film about a serial killing mama’s boy), the first thing that instantly came to mind was Norman Bates. While maybe not a great guy to encounter, he made one of the most amazing villains in the horror genre. Yay for Norman Bates!

  • Melissa Hamari

    Seriously? If he uses a coupon? If he wants to split the check? You’d walk out on that? What an ignorant person you are. All the antiquated dating beliefs. Using a coupon means he’s smart and budget conscious. Splitting the bill is fine…for any reason!

  • Charles Barnard

    Truthfully, humans don’ t make logical decisions until they have assigned an emotional response to the decision.

    Dating is not primarily about finding a mate…or at least it shouldn’t be, simply because the vast majority of your dates are guaranteed not to be a mate–but are very likely to become people you would like to have as friends. To assume that it is only about mating is to cut yourself off of the majority of the good that it can bring to your life. It also put unreasonable pressure on everyone involved.

    Remember that it isn’t only children and young adults who date, nor is it only those who are or are hoping to mate, Dating is a way of spending time with someone….

  • name

    This list is fucking stupid.

  • larzo

    Texting is rude, but you’re going to just run away from that? Also, it’s mainly women who need to abstain from that. Most of them are addicted phone zombies.

  • Mr_Scorpio

    If I were still dating I wouldn’t do a single thing on that list. But then again, I’ve been married for 23 years. So there’s THAT!

  • mikeyz99

    “be very weary!” Weary means tired

    The word is w-a-r-y.

  • Anitsisqua

    -If he orders for you

    I had a date order my dinner for me. He didn’t ask me what I wanted, he just ordered a single dish to split without discussion.

    …I should have run then, but I didn’t, and I will eternally regret it.

    -If he insists on an activity you aren’t partial to

    I had a date insist on taking me dancing. I HATE dancing and am beyond terrible at it. He was a semi-pro swing dancer, and basically embarrassed me all night by trying to do all of these complicated moves that I didn’t know how to do. It was awful.

    -If he gets too touchy on the first date.
    On two separate occasions, I have had a date try to give me a massage on a first date. Honestly, a first date is a getting-to-know-you date, and not really the best time for a massage.

    Also, weighing in on the issue of payment…the one that did the asking out should pay for the first date. Always.

    • MacK

      I had a date order for me – pretty good thing too – ethnic restaurant – could have gotten into trouble. I have had others order for me when I was running late and the kitchen was about to close…nice thing to do.

      • Anitsisqua

        Well, I was there, and this was the Cheesecake Factory. It’s also very different if a date ASKS if you’d like them to order for you if you’re unfamiliar with the type of cuisine or aren’t present or something. Your experience is completely unlike the point I was making.

  • rlpl02

    I have had the stare guy, the one who commits himself right off, the phone addict, the too good to be true (and it was), the money guy, and the coupon guy. I agree with if they are rude to servers, then they are faking it with you. You need to see how someone interacts socially to get a good idea of how they really are. I went out with a guy who was an obsessive horn honker. Every little thing and the guy honked his horn. As the date progressed, he started slipping little cuts at me and quickly followed them with a different subject. He ordered an ice cream soda thing with two straws and cherries for us to share, and then tried to feed me a bite when I reclined. All I could think was that a jury would not convict me. My rule.. always take your own car for quick getaways.

  • MacK

    As I see this, what we have here is someone who is auditioning for an independently wealthy man who will keep her in the style to which she wishes to become accustomed. So we have –

    If he asks you to split the bill: hivalry is not dead. A man should pay the bill, that’s just the way it is. If he asks you to split the bill, walk away.

    So sexist – up there with “I paid, you should put out.” Moreover, it is an interesting approach to Regina Phalange getting into a taboo subject by testing what he’ll pay for – yes Regina wants to freeload as a way of finding out “about his finances.”

    Which of course leads us into:

    “If he texts or makes A phone call … Phones shouldn’t even be out on the first date unless he is showing you a funny picture or a video or something. Being on his phone shows that there are more important things than you.

    Nothing is more important (or more self absorbed and self regarding than Regina.) Not say the job that is paying for the freeloading Regina’s meal, maybe a family issue, maybe something else. Nothing is more important than Regina!

    And while we are at it:

    “If he’s late – Unless there was some huge life or death emergency, he shouldn’t be late. Punctuality is important in so many aspects of life and dating is no exception. If a guy is late, it will get us stressed out and wonder if we are being stood up. This is unnecessary stress added.”

    Let’s see, job, traffic jam, family issue, snowstorm – so many reasons that seem to justify being late. Of course the freeloading Regina does not have a phone on her date since “[p]hones shouldn’t even be out on the first date”, so she cannot take a call that tells her – “running late,” and meanwhile she is also testing two things – is he independently wealthy (no job will make him late) and is nothing more important than the utterly self absorb Regina.

    And by the way – he should not be looking at her – so what – he should be leering at passing women, or eying the exit – come to thing of it, he is on a date that sees men as a commodity, maybe he should.

    How about a new column – top ten signs that the girl you are dating is as dumb as a pos.

    • CLW

      I have had men complain about buying a lady a McDonald’s coffee when they have arrived for a “meet and greet” that they arranged, in their $50,000 pickup truck. Go figure…no…RUN, LADIES, RUN!

  • Desert Tarheel

    I think a lot of the discussion about the man paying misses the point.
    It has nothing to do with equal earning power or sexual expectations or looking for a meal ticket. It’s simple: Ladies, you should be important and special to your man. And if you
    want to know what is important and special to a man, look at what he
    spends his money on; that’s where his priorities are. A man may say all
    manner of nice things to you. But talk is cheap. A good man wants to
    put his money where his mouth is. And a smart woman will let him. That’s not sexist. That’s just how it is.

  • Glenn Youngman

    You are a sexist swat with a capital T!!!

    You must be the type who eats cat food for dinner unless you have a date, then expect the man to pay. Ass, grass or cash, nobody eats for free.

  • James roderer

    I’m with you. If women are going to be having careers and dads are suppose to start staying home then women should start taking men on dates. I hate how girls want to get rid of all the inequalities in the workplace but then leave them when it benefits them. And then every time you raise this objection all they ever say is “looks like youll never have a girlfrend”. Really getting sick of this not all men want to do this sh@t and I’m sure someone women would be much better at it. Ask a man on a date and see how happy he gets.